True Loves Loss
by bunsdarien
Summary: Finally! Sequel to; If I Never say Goodbye. Some time later. Did Jack make the right decision? choosin' Sam over Daniel. Thank you all for your reviews ;)


Title: True Loves Loss

Author: Bunsdarien/Dee  
Rating: R HARD  
Pairing: J/S J/D  
Category: Het, Pre-slash. Angst Sort of First time  
Sequel: If I never say goodbye  
Season: Eight

Synopsis: Jack's decision in If I never say goodbye.. Was it right? Some time after that story.  
Written: March-June 2004

This was NEVER Beta'd. I tried and tried. But to no avail. Forwarned. Maybe If anyone is interested, please

email me. I'll unpost, then redo it. Hey I've waited this long.

Notes: This is version number 6 Can't say more without giving it away. One sex scene.

I've sat on this for a year. Literally. Wrote part 1 when I turned 30. Got depressed. Wrote this

soon after. I wish I was still 30.. sigh'

I really stink at sex scenes. Use of lines of Evanescence's Whisper lyrics.

Warnings: Language. One violent moment "Sam's right hook."  
Disclaimer: No harm against Evanescence. I love their music. . No harm against Stargate, nor anything affiliated with it. Just having

fun, my own way. Enough said.  
1/1

"Daniel."

The voice stops him dead in his tracks. He turns toward the direction of the voice. He lifts his hand to block out the sun's rays from his eyes.

Catch me as I fall: Say your here and it's all over now.

Frozen, a smile starts to form on his sun burned cheeks. There before him stands Jack. Brown eyes, shining bright. Sun highlighting his silver locks.

Immobilized by my fear.

Fear freezes any movement his heart aches to make. Afraid that this is just another cruel illusion, he finally feels himself in motion. He runs to take his love in his arms, only to once again feel despair as the imagine disappears before his eyes.

"No!" he cries out.

Blinded by his tears, "Jack!" Daniel awakens from another haunted sleep. A chill runs through is body in the hot desert heat, as Jack's voice echos through his mind. These dreams dig a deeper hole in his soul. Cruel taunts of what would never be, fade what hope he once stupidly clung on to.

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Time was against him. The letter he now knows was a mistake. An error he would not ever do again. How could he ever wish to hurt Sam like that. How could he ever have been so delusional.

"No more," He tells himself. Alone in his self-made abyss.

"It's too much." His heart breaks as each word leaves his tongue. Wiping a stray tear from his cheek he makes a decision.

No one's here and I fall into my self.

He knows what he must do.

The truth drives me into madness.

His heart and head fight in disagreement. He will follow his head from now on. Where has his heart ever gotten him? Closing his eyes, he lies back down on the cot.

"I can stop the pain if I will it all away," He tells himself. Praying that he could believe. "Will it all away."  
!

He closes his eyes. Another trust in, and he walks the line closer towards the edge. Mind set: Want, desire, need and love fuel the fire.

He will not lose control all to early. There will be no early release. Another trust. Same spot. A moan of pleasure mixed with pain, erupts from the body beneath him. A desperate chant of his name, and all control is lost. This feels too good. Eyes rolling back, he howl's out his lover's name, and empties himself into the tightness. Collapsing down, he passionately rains kisses all over his lovers face. This had been too long in the making. Obstacles have finally been removed. Dreams finally realized. Their mouths meet. Tongues dance with each other. Fingers once again explore each others bodies. Pulling away, he looks deeply into the eyes of his love. Smiling, he gently wipes away a lone tear escaping those beautiful bright orbs. So much love he sees in them. They were finally together, nothing else would ever matter. Cuddling closer to the soft body, he looks and sees the tears flow freely from now sad blue eyes. Pulling him close he's afraid to ever let go. The body soon fades  
away in his arms.

"No," he cries out.

"No!" Shaking his head. He slams his fists into the mattress.

"No, Daniel!"

Jerking awake from a restless sleep, General Jack O'Neill glances toward the empty spot on the bed.

"Sam?" he calls out. No answer.

Concerned, he hops out of bed and grabs ahold of the sweats he discarded last night, from the floor. walking out of the bedroom, he searches for her. Entering the kitchen, he sees her staring straight ahead. A mug grasped tightly in her hands.

"Sam?" He says again. Still no response. Jack walks up in front of her, and grabs the mug from her hands. The cups is ice cold, and she looks like she has been crying for hours.

"Sweetheart?" Jack grabs her chin, bringing her eyes in contact with his. She looks at him, finally snapping out of her trance.

"Huh?... Jack. Oh, I..." She stops. Trying to hold in the fresh tears that want to fall. Jack leans in, and gently places a kiss on her forehead. She pulls back from his grasp and rolls her eyes at him. "Forehead. Of course," She says with contempt in her voice. He looks at her, wide eyed, and confused.

"Ah, Sam... What's wrong, honey?"

She closes her eyes. 'Breath' she tells herself. She could do this. Hell, she HAD to do this. Trying to keep her anger in check, she makes eye contact again with Jack. He looks stunned. Memories of dreams. Blue eyes. Sad, blue eyes.

"Jack, we really need to talk." She tells him. Pointing a finger to the couch. Se takes a seat, and pats her hand down for him to do the same. Once he is situated, she starts.

"Why didn't you just tell me. I..I would of understood." She knew those words were a lie. She didn't understand. They have been a couple ever since he had come back. She thought they were happy. Thought she made him happy. At least that's what she thought.

"What are you talking about, Sam?" He honestly asked.

The look on his face. She stared down hard at him. Had he no idea? Couldn't. He's honestly not THAT dumb.

Anger flushed her face as she remembered waking up this morning to hear the man she loved more they anything, cry out her friend's name. He was sleeping. She knew by the tone of his voice, that it wasn't a nightmare. It was a pleasurable dream. And he wasn't screaming her name.

This hadn't been the first time. She always thought he was haunted by the fight they had. She knew he loved Daniel, but never would of guessed that he was IN love with Daniel.

She wiped the fresh tears from her eyes. "I know you love Daniel," She said. "And not in the 'He's my brother type of way!'"

Jack's draw dropped. He searched for words to say, but just looked like a fish out of water, gulping for air.

"You can't deny it. I see," She snarled at him. "I heard you call out his name in OUR bed!" She screams, then curses at him. Her anger turns into full blown rage. She lunged forward and swung her right fist into contact with his face.

Some Time Later:

Jack lays across the couch. An ice pack now sits across his swollen left eye. Leaning up, he watches Sam sitting where he found her before. She sits there quietly, staring at the wall.

Her right hook caught him off guard. He knew she had in it her, just never expected it. Taking this time to reflect, he starts to think of what Sam accused him of. He starts remembering back. Six months. Six months ago, when Daniel left his life. Six months, when he received the letter:

If I never say goodbye...I can tell myself it's not really over. I can still hope...and dream...maybe someday. Until then...D

Jack was lost. Could someone be in love with two people at the same time? Did he actually LOVE Sam the way he thought he did. Was he IN love with Daniel, as he was accused off. He was second guessing all his decisions. Was he so ignorant to his own feelings. Hiding behind what people perceived as 'Normal' relations. He knew he loved Sam, but the reality was she wasn't who he wanted to wake up next to every morning. She isn't who he wanted to make love to. She isn't the morning light, in a dark night. She isn't Daniel.

God! Jack realized he made one hell of a mistake. Messed up two peoples lives. Rising from the couch, He walked into the kitchen. Deciding to keep a safe distance from Sam's fist, he calls out to her. To his surprise, she answers him by throwing herself into his embrace. He drops the ice pack on the counter, and grabs her in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," they both say simultaneously. She looks up into his eyes, displaying a small smile on her face.

"I.. Had time to think. I realized... The signs were all there. I just missed them. How dumb does that make me?"

He shakes his head. "Not dumb. Never..I... This is all my doing. I'm the one you should blame. I'm so sorry. More then you'd ever know." With that, he pulled her into a soft kiss. She pushed away. That was more then they had done in weeks. He had been distant from her lately. Seems his heart knew all along, what his head did not.

It hurt. She loved him so much. Had plans for her future with him. The infatuation grew over the years. Then when they nearly lost him, when they had to freeze him, she realized how much in love she was with him.

"Did you ever truly love me?" She asks. Voice breaking mid sentence.

"God, Sam. Yes, I loved you. I still love you. I'm just... I .. I don't know. My career. My future... This is just so damn confusing. I really don't understand it all myself."

Closing her eyes, she lets out a soft sigh. Smile forced upon her face, she says, "You really need to tell Daniel. Once you know what your heart really wants."

He shakes his head. How? He, himself was too confused to go and bring Daniel's hopes up. Did he truly want to spent the rest of his life with Daniel? A man. He had never, even thought about it. Not at least until that blue eyed, beauty to the eye came and said goodbye.. (Or : Came into his life)

He knew. Knew he made such a terrible error. Hopefully, Daniel might one day forgive him. He was force out of his thoughts by Sam's voice. "Go find my little brother. I miss him." He shook his head. Yes, he would. Once he sorted out a few things first. He could go see Daniel and pray that Daniel would wish to see him.

A Few Weeks Later:

Packing up his equipment, Daniel froze when he heard his name called out.

He would not be fooled again. He would not give into his heart. Never again.

"Daniel?"

He continues to pack. Ignoring the concerned calls of his name.

"Just a dream," he tells himself. "No...More of a nightmare.. Don't fall for it again."

Gathering the last of his stuff up, he jumps when he feels a presence behind him. A strong hand grasp ahold of his shoulder.

Slowly, he turns.

"Jack," he cries out, in disbelief.

Jack grabs ahold of Daniel, pulling him into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel. I was so wrong. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?" Reaching for a kiss, he is shocked when Daniel pushes him away.

"No!" Daniel states. "You can't be here."

Jack just looks at him. Placing his hands to Daniel's cheeks, he pulls him into a kiss. At first Daniel tries to pull away, but his mouth soon loses itself in Jack's.

After a bit, Jack finally pulls away. "I' m here, Daniel. And I love you. This is where I belong. With you."

Review.. Should I still sit on it? Or postin' it a good idea!


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